Friend with spare gig ticket wants full price for it

A WOMAN with a spare gig ticket has offered it to her best friend at full face value plus booking fee.

Nikki Hollis bought two tickets to see the pop-dance band Hot Chip, but after her boyfriend pulled out she approached childhood friend Emma Bradford with the mean-spirited offer.

Bradford said: “Nikki called up and asked if I wanted to come and see Hot Chip because she has a spare ticket.

“I don’t know who Hot Chip are but I said yes, partly to be polite and also so she didn’t have to go alone. Then she asked me to transfer £32.50 to her bank account.”

Hollis said: “That’s what I paid for it, and that’s what I need. I could probably charge twice that online.

“Even if she doesn’t particularly want to go, I need to get all of my money back with not even a fiver off. This is 2016 people, I need that cash for rent and cocaine.”

Bradford said: “Apparently the price includes a £2.50 booking fee, I’m not sure if that’s from the original vendor or just so Nikki can get some fags.

“I’m an upbeat person but I am losing my faith in human nature.”

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Brexit to be huge success 'because Britain is good at the pommel horse'

BRITAIN’S dominance of international pommel horsing is confirmation that Brexit will be a huge success.

As Team GB’s pommel horse ‘jockeys’ took gold and silver on the greatest day in British history, pro-Brexit politicians stressed it was not only evidence of the nation’s almost extra-terrestrial abilities, it would also form the basis of the UK’s negotiating stance with the EU.

Foreign secretary Boris Johnson said: “The EU will play hardball over the single market and freedom of movement, but I will not hesitate to remind them that we are better at the pommel horse than all of them put together.

“We’re also better at rowing, especially if it involves at least eight people, and we’re so good at cycling that it will inevitably become the largest sector in the post-Brexit economy.”

Johnson added: “When we combine our Olympic success with the existence of the Duchess of Cambridge and our world-beating payment protection insurance industry, we come to an obvious conclusion…

“Britain could easily form its own planet from bits of asteroid and then rule the galaxy.”