GCSE coursework moved to accommodate Easter egg consumption

GCSE COURSEWORK dates are to be moved to allow pupils enough time to eat all their Easter eggs.

20-minute Creme Egg breaks were brought in from January until Good Friday last year, with one pupil successfully suing his school for the right to eat Smarties Mini Eggs instead.

But with pupils expected to miss as a fortnight’s school to eat their big eggs and colour in the picture on the back, teachers are under impossible pressure.

English teacher Joanna Kramer said: “Some of them stretch it out to a month. 

“‘Sorry Miss, Jordan has a big Yorkie Egg to tackle today so he can’t come in.’

Atheist parent Wayne Hayes said: “Why should religion get to impose its weird dietary precepts on education?

“Pupils should eat eggs in their own time, unless it’s a Star Wars egg because you have to respect the Jedi.”

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Ask Holly: We're only a week into 2016 and I've already set off a nuclear bomb

Dear Holly,

I could totally kick myself: this year I made a resolution to be more considerate of others, and I was SO sure I was going to manage it… but here we are only a week into 2016 and I have already set off a nuclear bomb. My willpower is pants! Have you got any tips to help me stop being so weak-willed?


North Korea

Dear Kim,

My mummy and daddy are doing that Dry January thing and they’ve joined the gym and haven’t shouted at each other for days. They promise these things every year but never make it past the second week. I don’t get why adults set such unobtainable goals for themselves: my own resolutions are to marry Brooklyn Beckham; to win one of Wonka’s golden tickets; and to learn how to master the Force. You may scoff, but all of these are infinitely more realistic than sustained use of a Virgin Active subscription. 

Hope that helps!