THE GCSE pass rate has fallen dramatically from the last two years, when teachers made it up.
Pupils have found that no amount of real-world study and work can produce the same high results as ones plucked out of thin air by teachers and exam boards keen to make it look like they are doing a good job.
Grace Wood-Morris, aged 16, said: “Last year my brother got five 8s, two 7s and a 6 even though he’s thicker than a shit sandwich.
“The 6 was in Spanish. He didn’t even do Spanish, but the school said ‘on a robust assessment of likely attainment levels factoring in the Covid-19 pandemic’ he deserved it.
“Now I’m walking out, after a full year of school attendance, with two 4s and two 3s just because I ‘didn’t get anything right’, which is hardly fair. And it’s not like ten years ago. That doesn’t get you a place on a degree course at Northumbria University anymore.”
Teacher Mr Roberts said: “We would have liked nothing more than to keep inventing the results off the top of our heads without having to be in the same room as teenagers. It was a dream for us.
“Sadly, we’ve been forced to acknowledge reality and the reality is that British kids are thick, lazy twats who waste all their revision time on TikTok. Good luck with the future.”