THOUSANDS of hard-working GCSE students will tonight be forced to endure a lame meal with their parents, it has emerged.
While cool kids who failed their exams attend debauched parties, for diligent students the reward for two years of hard work on their GCSEs will be a crap carvery meal and a long talk from dad about how much harder A Levels are.
Teenager Nathan Muir said: “I thought I’d be going to a results party where I get pissed on room temperature cider and have my first sexual experience, but actually I’m going to the Horseshoe Inn with my parents for a gammon platter.
“It would be nice if this milestone in my life was a bit more exciting, but as my mum has pointed out, the prices are very reasonable and the toilets are always clean.
“Now I can’t go to the party at Iain Kelly’s house, which would definitely be more fun than dad letting me have a bitter shandy ‘if I drink it slowly’.
“Still, I’m sure Aunt Susan will text my mum to congratulate me. That will definitely make up for not getting to finger Gemma Stanley in a cupboard.”