‘Generation rent’ least exciting youth movement in history

BEING a member of ‘generation rent’ is far less interesting than being a punk, hippie or raver, renters have claimed.

Many people who are forced to rent say they would like to reject conventional society but are too busy worrying about finding an affordable starter home.

Office worker Tom Logan said: “When you’re trying to get on the property ladder you just don’t have time for glue-sniffing, free love or getting off your head on horse tranquilisers in a field.

“Us renters usually go over to each others’ flats in the evening and look at the Foxtons website. We’ll chat for hours about mortgages and have a few glasses of tap water to save money for a deposit.

“Naturally I’d like to invent an exciting new form of psychedelic rock and have loads of groupies, but then Jimi Hendrix didn’t need to find a reasonably-priced semi in commuting distance of Stevenage.

“It was easier for other youth cultures. My grandad just spent every weekend battering mods with a spanner in Brighton. All we’ve got is our Location, Location, Location DVDs and our tears.”

Receptionist Nikki Hollis said: “Generation rent is already producing its own writers and artists. I’ve just finished a 450-page novel about a young woman’s struggle for her own patio.

“Sometimes I think we should protest in the streets like the students in the 1960s, but I don’t want to do anything that would jeopardise my credit rating.”

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Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP) After coming up with the program title ‘Robot Warsi’ today, surely Channel 5 can just come up with what it’s actually about?
Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) When talking about a poker game you had over the weekend and using phrases like “Ladies came up double while I flopped the river with deuces”, remember that you’re actually from Carlisle, you tool.

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV) On Monday you’ll convince a work colleague that the Winnebago is named after Nelson Mandela’s ex-wife.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC) Why not indulge in some Schrodinger’s catcalling by asking a passing woman if she is simultaneously in and out of your car?

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN) Your vow to lose a few pounds in September gets off to a great start today when you get such virulent intestinal flu you’ll keep nothing more solid than a glass of water down until October.

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) There have been better starts to a marriage guidance session than you walking in to find him enthusiastically pumping your wife, in fairness.

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR) On Friday you are happy, you know it, so you clap your hands. It seems not everyone appreciates being applauded after sex, though.

Aries (21 MAR-19 APRIL) With the nights starting to draw in, you’ll be able to spend more and more time lurking in your neighbour’s hedge undetected.

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) Your first stint of cosmic ordering, where you chant the thing you want 30 times before sleep, goes badly when you stub your toe on the bed and hop round the room shouting “Shit, shit, shit”.

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN) Leo freaks you out this week by tucking his genitals between his legs and asking if you fancy him.

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL) Romance is on the horizon on Sunday, literally in your case as your date runs past the curvature of the earth to avoid you.

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You’d make a great Bond. You violent, alcoholic sociopath, you.