Good thing there's a price cap, says Britain

THE UK has wiped its brow with relief that the energy price cap is keeping bill increases at an affordable level.

As energy costs increase by 80 per cent to an average of £3,549, Britons struggling to pay bills are thanking regulator Ofgem for the price cap which has done so much good.

Steve Malley of Mansfield said: “I never used to think about the energy price cap much, but now it’s turned out to be the saviour of us all.

“Just think what could have happened without it. Energy suppliers could have cranked prices up to unsustainable levels. Families could be choosing between heating or eating. We could be facing riots in the streets.

“But, thanks to Ofgem and their price cap, which they’re now allowed to raise every three months rather than six and which appears to go up by as much as energy suppliers want, none of that’s going to be happening.

“Like children in a rainstorm we’re sheltered snugly under the price cap, safe from harm, until April’s price rise takes energy up to £6,616. Where would we be without it?”

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Covid: Why I should never have listened to stupid bloody science, by Rishi Sunak

I’M the first to admit mistakes were made during the pandemic. Public health messaging could have been clearer. PPE procurement was lacking. Corporate profits for my friends in the City could have been much higher. 

And those mistakes were entirely the fault of scientists, with their pathetic need to court popularity and pander to the public’s desire to be locked up at home for months at a time.

I don’t have a clue about science. I’m an economist, believe it or not. So by that logic why should scientists, who don’t have a clue about the economy, run the economy? 

The scientists’ ideological ‘survival of the unfittest’ philosophy influenced our prime minister Boris Johnson, an overweight, spineless worm of a man who lacks personal discipline. Suddenly the focus of our response was ‘saving lives’ because grannies dying was unpopular, for some reason.

I believe it makes economic sense that we become fitter as a nation. That involves exercise, good nutrition and, in a wider sense, not minding too much if a few hundred thousand old, weak and economically irrelevant people pass on.

My ‘eat out to help out’ scheme was actually to test who was fit and strong enough to queue for a cheap burger and survive a waiter breathing Covid in your face while asking if you wanted onion rings.

But the scientists decried all this, perhaps because they are weaklings who would never survive in a truly well-run economic jungle.

I should have vetoed the vaccine on the grounds that it was unaffordable. Now there are so many of you still alive. And thanks to you all wanting heat and lighting we’ve got an energy crisis and the possibility of rationing. I hope you’re proud of yourselves, egghead science boffins!