Gran sad about local high street hated guts of every shopkeeper

A PENSIONER who is distressed by the decline of her local high street had a bitter grievance against every shopkeeper when they were still in business.

Mary Fisher frequently harks back to when there were lots of small retailers, apparently forgetting she intensely disliked the owners or believed they were crooks.

She said: “The high street used to be all little shops, like our local butcher. Mind you, he was always trying to cheat you. I could see him pressing down on the scales.

“Mrs Burling used to have a wool shop on the parade. That woman was a pain. She could talk the hind legs off a donkey. And from what I heard, she’d probably sleep with it too.

“Yes, it’s been terrible the way the high street has declined. The hardware store closed down years ago. It’s sad, but he did used to water down his paint.

“Now it’s just two huge supermarkets. They’re too big and impersonal, but at least the staff can’t handle the food with dirty fingernails like Mr Webb the fishmonger. He was a filthy bugger.”

Fisher’s granddaughter Lucy said: “From what Nana says, we shouldn’t be protecting the local high street, we should be bulldozing it and building a massive Asda.”

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Woman decides she needs a good faff around before leaving petrol station

A WOMAN who filled her car up with petrol decided to do a variety of chores and enjoy a little rest before driving off, it has emerged.

Office manager Donna Sheridan spent 10 minutes casually sitting in the driver’s seat doing tasks including personal grooming, checking her phone and sorting out the glove compartment.    

Fellow driver Martin Bishop, who was waiting to use the pump, said: “I saw her brush her hair and then open a Snickers bar like she was on some kind of mini-break.

“Then she started rummaging around and appeared to be leafing through a magazine. Just when I thought she was finally ready to go my heart sank as I saw her getting out an iPad.

“I was quite keen to get some petrol myself so I thought about beeping her, but naturally I made do with tutting from inside my car.”

Sheridan said: “Normally I get all these little bits and bobs done in a busy car park, preferably while there’s someone waiting for my space.

“No one ever seems to mind.”