Group of teenagers to collectively roll incredibly bad joint

SIX teenagers have announced a plan to collectively roll a unsmokeably bad joint. 

Each of the teenagers will have a hand in the completed spliff, which will involve multiple rolling papers, cardboard reinforcement rings, a cocktail stick splint and Sellotape.

17-year-old Joseph Turner said: “It’s beyond each of us individually, but I believe if we work together we can create a cannabis joint that will get us all thoroughly stoned.

“Jordan’s on tobacco, Jack’s handling the actual weed, Olivia and Chloe are dealing with the Rizla end of things – we got five packets in case something goes wrong – and Ellie’s currently Googling what a roach is.

“We won’t get this right first time, or indeed second, but we’ll get there. And when we do, wow, blast off.”

Following construction of the Frankensteinian monstrosity the teenagers then plan to follow a strict pass-and-puff rule, to make it fairer, until its inevitable collapse.

Turner added: “In theory we’ve got my brother’s bong. But we’ve been looking at it for an hour and can’t figure out how the hell it works.”

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Wetherspoons impossible to boycott

BRITONS who would like to boycott Wetherspoons because of its chairman’s political views have admitted it is impossible. 

Following Tim Martin’s endorsement of Brexit and subsequent demand that immigration rules be waived for his staff, Remainers considered a boycott before realising they would only be hurting themselves.

Drinker Tom Logan said: “We’d like to. We’d honestly like to. But post-Brexit we really need to drink.

“And not only do Wetherspoon’s do a solid breakfast for a very acceptable price, their bar prices mean you can party like it’s 1993 rather than slink home glumly after two rounds.

“They renovate nice buildings, educate you about obscure local historical figures, hire enough bartenders to actually get you served when it’s five deep at the bar, and don’t play any Ed fucking Sheeran.

“Boycott it? I’m there every night.”