PEOPLE with nothing in their lives but their own incessant whining have smiled inwardly as shops start wheeling out Christmas tat.
Despite tinsel appearing on shelves at the same time every year since 1991, curmudgeons are enjoying being able to state that it all comes earlier every year.
Old bastard Martin Bishop said: “It’s all so commercialised these days. It’s been that way my entire adult life but let’s pretend it’s getting worse.
“Absurdly early Christmas decorations are like catnip for my inexhaustible, petty rage. Seeing them go up is actually a festival in itself – a perverse celebration of bitterness.
“It’ll be the bloody carol singers next. Either turning up on the doorstep and getting on my tits because I have to get out of my chair, or not turning up and making me sad about the demise of another British tradition.”
Moody grandmother Mary Fisher said: “Bloody Christmas is bloody everywhere. If it wasn’t I’d be complained about how they’ve banned it because the refugees don’t like it.
“Every alternative gives me a chance to feel thwarted.”