Guardian fascinated by Wetherspoon’s breakfasts

THE Guardian has launched an investigation into why people choose to have breakfast at Wetherspoon’s.

The paper believes it has identified a ‘fascinating and disturbing socio-economic trend’ involving millions of ordinary people paying £2.99 for bacon and eggs.

The investigation explores the troubling reasons why consumers do not eat somewhere else, or pay more than they need to for a plate of food.

Tom Logan, a Wetherspoon’s customer in Peterborough, said: “A reporter sat down next to me, without my permission, and asked me why I felt forced to do what I was doing.

“I told him it was half past eight in the morning and that I’m eating. And then I told him to fuck off.”

Jane Thompson, from Stevenage, added: “I told the reporter that it’s £2.99 and it’s on my way to work. He said that was absolutely fascinating and disturbing.

“And then I told him to fuck off.”


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Miliband rules out forming a government

ED Miliband has confirmed that Labour will refuse to govern the country if it wins the general election.

Even if his party achieves a majority, Miliband ruled out a coalition between Labour MPs and the rest of the Labour MPs.

Miliband said: “If we govern it will be utterly hellish. You know it will.

“And it would just be the same people as last time – except Gordon Brown, obviously – so at least you won’t have that glowering at you.

“A Labour majority, without Brown, that doesn’t do anything. Perfect.

“Plus, if we govern, I’d have to meet leaders from different countries and they might think I’m strange.”

Miliband also pledged to avoid a Labour government by continuing to appear in public like a string puppet controlled by a baby.

Today he will campaign at an inner city youth centre where he will freestyle rap and then eat some soup.