Guardian readers' child made to write socially aware letter to Santa

A CHILD of liberal parents has been coached to write a Santa letter focusing on environmental and social justice issues over presents.

Six-year-old Tom Logan’s parents suggested his Christmas list should include things like ‘stopping climate change’, although it is unclear how Santa, if he existed, could deliver them.

Mum Claire said: “It’s wonderful that he thought of asking Father Christmas for more rainforests and homes for the homeless all by himself.

“We definitely didn’t tell him what to write, although I may have mentioned in passing it was selfish to ask for a robot dinosaur when global warming is going to kill us all.”

The letter also asks for justice for Bolivia, the UK government to reopen the Leveson inquiry, a fairer society and ‘for an underprivileged family to have my Nintendo Switch if they should need it’.

Dad Rhys said: “It’s all Tom’s own work, and if you don’t believe me read it yourself. I took a photo and put it on our Facebook page as soon as he’d finished it.”

Jack said: “I’d like a RoboRaptor as well, but only if Santa’s got room for it on his sleigh after abolishing tuition fees.”

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Get your f**king tree up, Britain ordered

THE UK has been ordered to get the f**king tree up, get the lights on and get bloody Christmassy. 

Official notification has been issued that, regardless of all this election bullsh*t, Britain is to start putting tinsel around monitors at work, put a wreath of holly on the door if middle class, and to start knocking back the Baileys, or else. 

A spokesman said: “It’s December 6th and some of you still haven’t listened to Mariah Carey, let alone ‘Stay Another Day’. You’re on notice. Get it done. 

“Whether you’re going to a fancy Christmas tree farm or getting the artificial one from the loft, it needs to be up and lit by the end of the weekend. Start spending your evenings writing Christmas cards to near-strangers. Talk about little else. 

“Anyone who’s not coming home to a hallway full of brown boxes, opening them, trying to remember who they’re for and then wrapping them is doing it wrong. We are watching. If necessary we’ll visit. 

“Do a two-trolley shop. Go to a Christmas market and buy a carved wooden keyring for £12. Start scheduling relatives. Get a Radio Times then realise it’s not the Christmas one, it just has a misleading cover. 

“It’s Yuletide, motherf**kers. Get festive. That’s an order.”