A SPECIALIST soft play centre for hard evil kids has opened near Swindon.
The Lil’ Bruisers facility has a cricket ball pit, punching wall and ‘Fight Island’, a dedicated fighting area with large throwable stones.
A spokesman said: “It’s an aggressive wonderland where tiny psychopaths can punch each other as hard as they like without risk of being disciplined. In fact we only punish the weak.
“This is the play equivalent of a hard pub. When you enter, it all goes silent and the kids stare at you, sizing you up.
“Children must be under 10 and have no morals.”
Mother Mary Fisher said: “My nine-year-old is a swirling vortex of hate and he loves the scary tribal atmosphere here. It’s a great outlet for his evil urges and since I started bringing him the cat disappearances on our street have totally stopped.”