A CUT in public sector pensions will lead to lots of decrepit leftists singing U2 songs in tube stations to make ends meet, it was warned last night.
Economists said that while people with real jobs would derive an eye-boggling sexual pleasure from cutting public sector pensions, it will also lead to an increase in ghastly socialist busking.
Julian Cook, chief economist at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: “Do we really want some 67 year-old former diversity auditor belting out Pride (In the Name of Love) in exchange for a few coins he will then use to buy a fair trade kumquat and a copy of National Geographic that he won’t even read?
“Maybe better to give them the pension, but on condition they use it to buy Edwina Currie novels, genetically modified American beef products and a dirty great Jag.”
Cook said the pension cut would also force them to empty out their left-wing attics leaving eBay overrun with signed photos of Poly Toynbee while car boot sales will be flooded with copies of Will Hutton’s dimwitted books about how to spend other people’s money.
He added: “I suspect that, as a society, we are going to have to look beyond the simple issue of pounds and pence and instead do whatever it takes to ensure these people do not enjoy so much as a nano-second of their twilight years.”
Martin Bishop, pensions analyst at Madeley-Finnegan, said: “Private sector pensioners with no money tend to get proper retirement jobs like wiping up the toddler puke in aisle seven, appearing as an extra in Midsomer Murders or doing weird Japanese pornography.
“But public sector workers will simply use their poverty as an excuse to carry on inflicting their twisted world view through the lyrics of Bono and quite possibly Chris Martin.”
He added: “What if we agree to three U2 songs a fortnight but if they even think about doing Billy Bragg you’re allowed to strangle them with your belt?”