Have you got the mad skillz to help a reversing lorry?

DO you possess the high levels of self-assurance needed to help a lorry driver reverse a massive dangerous vehicle? Find out with our quiz.

How confident are you?

A. You are pretty timid and frightened of anything larger than a Labrador.

B. You believe you innately know how to tackle anything and are happy to bullshit your way into a situation where you are grossly out of your depth.

A lorry driver is waving you down for help reversing, do you:

A.  Pretend you haven’t seen them and scuttle away quickly.

B. Pretend that you have experience with articulated vehicles reversing and offer to help, fully aware that you might end up causing the lorry to crush a Volvo.

The driver needs you to stop traffic on the road, do you:

A. Regret getting involved in this situation, and meekly step into the traffic, hoping that your health insurance will cover whatever disaster befalls you.

B. Arrogantly stride out with your arms held up and start bellowing orders at cars, channeling the energy of Jean-Claude Van Damme if he were a traffic warden.

The driver is leaning out the window looking for some banter, do you:

A. Laugh awkwardly before mumbling something about how difficult the impacts of Brexit must be on his profession.

B. Lean authoritatively against the door and casually make small talk, despite the lorry still blocking the pavement and large portions of the road.

You’ve f**ked up and caused the lorry to reverse into someone’s house, do you:

A. Apologise, and point out that you’ve been terrified from the start and suggested numerous times they ask a different passerby for help.

B. Angrily declare something like ‘That’s a stupid place to have a house’ and try to shift the blame onto either the lorry driver or the homeowner.


Mostly As: Congratulations! You sensibly know your limitations and would try to avoid this situation at all costs.

Mostly Bs: Congratulations! You possess the self-delusion needed to try to assist a lorry driver, and are likely to cause serious damage and possibly fatalities in the process.

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Ready meals not ready enough, single man complains

A SINGLE man has complained that so-called ‘ready meals’ still require a minimal effort to prepare. 

Nathan Muir of Northampton exists largely on ready meals, but believes they are never anywhere near as ready as they like to claim.

He said: “I work hard. Then I get home and I videogame pretty hard, too. Is it too much to ask just to open my fridge and have a steaming hot lamb madras waiting on a plate for me?

“Instead it’s peel back the film on one, pierce the film on the other with a fork, place in the microwave for 90 seconds blah blah blah. Call that ready? I don’t.

“There’s none of this nonsense with beer. Pop it open and it’s ready to drink, no messing about. Asda should be taking a leaf from Heineken’s book.

“I don’t mind peeling back the film as long as the meal’s completely prepared by doing that. But when they’re putting in all these extra steps I’m practically cooking it myself.

“It’s no wonder I have takeaways four nights a week. It’s because these supermarkets are lazy.”