GOVERNMENT plans to ban so called ‘herbal highs’ will make the drugs as rare as a largely forgotten narcotic known as heroin, experts claimed last night.
Minsters are drawing up legislation to outlaw a range of legal drugs currently available through the internet including GBL, BFD, JML, KKK, and JJB Sports.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “History teaches us time and time again that banning drugs is a completely marvellous idea.
“After heroin was banned in 1924, use of the drug immediately ceased and there have been only three documented cases of heroin abuse in the last 85 years, all of them foreigners.
“Similarly a drug called cocaine used to be very popular until it was made illegal. Not surprisingly, all the people who manufactured it immediately stopped and either joined the Red Cross or became primary school teachers.”
He added: “Just think, if heroin and cocaine had not been banned then millions of people could have become addicted and it may even have led to the creation of a multi-trillion dollar industry run by insanely violent criminals called ‘Pablo’.”
A spokesman for the department of health said: “Our research shows that no-one is going to go to all the bother of selling these drugs illegally. Why would they? Are drug dealers really that interested in money? I think not.”
He added: “Even if they did, it is extremely unlikely the drugs would suddenly become more dangerous and expensive. And anyway, it’s not as if anyone is going to steal things or mug old ladies just so they can buy drugs. I’d imagine that drug addicts, if they even existed, would be much more sensible than that.”
Professor Brubaker said: “When tackling the threat of drugs you need just four things; an understanding of history, a dollop of wisdom, a dash of foresight and an extra dollop of wisdom.
“Well done everyone. Well done.”