Home workers demand more aspirational adverts

THE UK’s home workers have hit out at TV advertisers’ assumption that they are compensation-obsessed lowlives.

“Are you currently feigning injury? You should be”

Although the number of people working from home in the UK is approaching five million, they are still forced to watch adverts for funeral plans and payday loans which cause significant degradation to their self-image.

Programmer Stephen Malley said: “It was only when I saw all the big Christmas adverts on The X Factor at the weekend that I realised I’m a second-class televisual citizen.

 “While everyone else comes home and is treated like a viable economic unit, I’m singing payday loan jingles, can tell you six different no win-no fee ambulance chasers and have direct debits to more than 20 dog charities.

 “I’m earning a decent living, I’m bored shitless, and I’ve got a laptop which is basically a portable shopping centre. Sell me shit, damn you.”

A spokesman for the Advertising Association said: “They may imagine themselves to be relatively successful, but high achievers would never be caught watching MTV Base in the middle of the day.

“People who work from home are feckless work avoiders who just happen to get wages instead of dole.”

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Shattered Tower Bridge glass shows city from a Londoner’s perspective

THE shattered glass walkway on Tower Bridge allows tourists to see London from the cracked perspective of a resident, it has been claimed.

A spokesman said: “By looking through the fragmented and chaotic sheets of broken glass, visitors can experience the city as its inhabitants do – a confusing, anxiety-inducing grey blur.

“It’s like seeing the world through a filter of anxiety about everything from house prices and terrorism to having the nicest shoes.”

Londoner Tom Booker said: “That glass doesn’t look broken to me. Ah…I see.”