Thursday, 29th October 2020

Homeless to be fined £20 million for sleeping in doorways because what f**king difference does it make?

HOMELESS people on the South Coast are to be given large fines for vagrancy because whether it is £20 or £20 million makes bugger all difference.

Tory councillors have decided it is important to impress on the homeless the immense criminality of sleeping in shop doorways, even if the fines stand precisely no chance of being paid.

Norman Steele, a Conservative councillor in Dorset, said: “These hobos are parasites, using other people’s hard-earned doorstep concrete as pillows.

“In addition to fining them, we should seize all their assets – their UK properties, their stocks and shares, as well as all foreign investments they may possess.

“If they can’t stump up the full £20 million immediately we might have to settle for a smaller sum, say £20,000. They can sell their iPhones or we can set up a payment scheme out of their benefits which they probably don’t get anyway. 

“I honestly can’t see why homeless people don’t go back to their own homes. As far as I can tell it’s just a camping holiday for louts.”

Homeless person Martin Bishop said: “I hope I don’t get fined because I’ve only got 17 pence in my savings account. By which I mean the cup next to my dog.”