Humanity levels raised to ‘high’

LEVELS of kindness and co-operation across the UK have been raised to their highest point in recent history.

Responding to events in Manchester, all types of British people have confirmed that humanity levels have been increased from ‘normal’ to ‘high’, offering free accommodation, unpaid taxi rides and other forms of selfless assistance.

Taxi driver Roy Hobbs said: “Nobody’s actually told us to increase our humanity level, it just sort of happened.

“It feels as if people genuinely want to help people, which is quite the opposite of what you might think if you regularly read certain newspapers.

“This level of humanity is definitely a threat to troublemakers, extremists and right-wing journalists who think they look hard in photos with their arms folded.”

Shopkeeper Nikki Hollis said: “At ‘normal’ humanity level I think I should probably become a blood donor, but today I am going to do it.”

She added: “I think humans are actually alright.”