Friday, 23rd April 2021

I am ready to accept your apologies, says Brexiter

A BREXITER has big-heartedly agreed to accept apologies from Remainers for all their terrible lies and smears. 

Joe Turner of Mansfield has issued a statement saying that if Remainers say sorry to him for the needless division and hatred they have caused and admit Brexit has been a success, the whole thing will be forgotten.

Turner said: “We’ve got to bring this country back together. And I’m a big enough man to make the first move.

“I promise I won’t call you an idiot, or upbraid you for your metropolitan liberal elitist beliefs, or say we’d be speaking German if you’d had your way.

“I’ll be open, kind and understanding. You’ll find no judgement here. Whatever your reasons for being so catastrophically misguided that you tried to destroy Britain, I’ll accept it.

“We’ve all got to move on together. That not only means accepting you were very, very wrong, but also accepting that I and the 52 per cent were absolutely right.

“Come on. You won’t be able to enjoy the magic of post-Brexit Britain with this hanging over you. I’m waiting.”