I choose not to identify as a pet

By Wayne Hayes, cat

I find the term ‘pet’ highly problematic. Just because we live in your houses, eat your food and periodically enjoy being stroked between the ears in a highly specific way, do not assume that we are your property.

Personally speaking I choose not to identify as ‘pet’ but as ‘quadrupedal co-habitant’. Besides maintaining active interests in hunting and boundary patrolling, I am working on a theatre piece called ‘Paw’.

I am also launching a financial advice website in the late autumn, and have designed a range of chairs.

Did you notice? Did you see beyond my expressive triangular face and soft towel-like fur? You did not.

And that is why I did a shit on the patio.



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George R R Martin hoping hackers can tell him what happens in Game of Thrones

GEORGE R R Martin is hoping hackers who stole Game of Thrones scripts can tell him how it all ends.

The author, who has been struggling to think of an ending for his fantasy epic, has asked the hackers threatening HBO if he could have a quick look at the scripts for the next season.

Martin said: “At the moment it’s all gotten very complicated, there are dragons here, knights there, those zombie things are kicking off plus there’s some other mystical stuff about ravens.

“I have no fucking idea what to put in the next book so I’d really like to see what happens in the telly series.

“I should really have been watching it but just hearing the word ‘dragon’ gives me a mild panic attack.”