I had affair with your sister and got her pregnant 'in good faith', man tells wife

A MAN has explained to his wife that fathering a child with his sister-in-law ‘was the right decision at the time’.

Tom Booker, from Sheffield, said that while with hindsight it was easy to say the choices he made were wrong, he could not apologise for acting on the intelligence available.

He added: “The lack of sexual opportunity in our marriage was placing it under urgent threat just as your sister’s attractiveness was reaching crisis levels, so there was a clear need to act.

“I firmly believe that we had exhausted all flirtation options when I decided to move in, and that the need for action outweighed all possible risks.

“I could not possibly have foreseen that repeated sessions of unprotected sexual activity, which were extremely successful and a credit to all those involved, would lead to pregnancy.

“Yes, there were victims and I have repeatedly offered my heartfelt apologies to anyone who has suffered harm, including you, your sister and the illegitimate son she bore.

“But I cannot say sorry and in the same circumstances I would do the same again.”

Wife Emily Booker said: “Well, if he thought he was doing the right thing.”

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Brexiter’s excuses increasingly bollocks

A MAN’S excuses for problems clearly caused by Brexit are getting increasingly desperate.

‘Leave’ voter Martin Bishop has been struggling to convince people that all the bad things experts predicted were nonsense, due to them all starting to happen.

Bishop said: “The pound has plummeted but that’s excellent news for exports and tourism. Think what a boost it will be to those souvenir stalls selling teddy bears dressed as Beefeaters.

“Yes, shares have lost billions in value, but that makes it easier for ordinary people to own them. Everyone agrees with that, except maybe if you’ve lost half your life savings.

“And it’s probably just a coincidence that loads of racist attacks occurred at the most nationalistic moment in recent history since the Falklands.”

Colleague Donna Sheridan said: “Martin thinks everything supports Brexit. Today he said making it harder to travel in Europe would ‘rejuvenate classic holiday resorts like Clacton-on-Sea’.

“He also said racism helps unite us all against racism. I really need him to shut up.”