I treat male and female employees exactly the same, boss tells worker's breasts

A BOSS has explained his non-sexist approach to a female worker while staring directly at her chest.

Shelving unit company boss Tom Booker told new salesperson Susan Traherne that he has a zero-tolerance approach to harassment, without once making eye contact.

Seemingly unaware he was 100 per cent looking at Traherne’s tits, Booker said: “It’s terrible all that stuff going round in the papers about celebrities and whatnot.

“This is a safe and progressive place to work. You won’t get any 70s-style ‘funny business’ here.”

Without once raising his eyeline above his colleague’s chest region, Booker went on to explain that if she did encounter any ‘pervs’ she should tell him at once.

He added: “I take a very dim view of that sort of thing. In fact I might even beat them up. That’s the sort of thing I do as a strong protector.

“You can feel my bicep if you like. I do boxing training so it’s quite firm.”

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Merkel, Mugabe and May on conference call

THERESA May, Robert Mugabe and Angela Merkel are on a conference call about how to remain in power without popular support. 

The leaders, who have nicknamed themselves ‘the Three Ms’, are swapping ideas and methods of continuing to run a country even though nobody really wants you to. 

May said: “I’m picking up lots of tips. Killing white farmers very successful apparently. I’ll give anything a go. 

“Robbie’s been at the top for a very long time, and he’s assured us that all the received wisdom about ‘popular policies’ and ‘responsible management of an economy’ is so much nonsense, which very much aligns with my own instincts. 

“Angela’s very strong on asset-stripping other countries to keep your own limping on – which she said then said ‘oops’ and changed the subject for some reason – and I advised Robbie simply not to resign when expected to, because it wrong-foots everyone beautifully. 

“It was really constructive, and gave me hope I could still be prime minister in 2050 even if it does leave the country ravaged somewhat.”

She added: “We’re all in complete agreement on elections. Silly business. Never again.”