‘I wouldn’t normally do this,’ claims woman who always does this

A WOMAN who claims she rarely imposes on others in fact always does, friends and colleagues have confirmed. 

Nikki Hollis, who used the phrase this morning to ask a stranger to swap train seats because she ‘needs a window’, is thought to profess that she does not normally do this at least once a day.

Friend Mary Fisher said: “In the past month alone, Nikki’s claimed that she wouldn’t normally ask me to mind her dog, pay for her coffee, borrow my car, cover her shift and lie to her boyfriend, all of which she’s asked me to do before.

“And the last time we met, she said ‘I wouldn’t normally do this but,’ when sending back a drink because it had cloudy ice, asking for a discount on shoes and requesting the use of a stranger’s phone to check her email.

“She seems to believe that claiming she rarely makes these kind of demands lessens how annoying they are. It doesn’t.”

Hollis said: “I hate making a nuisance of myself and putting other people out. That’s why I always feel so bad for asking.

“In fact, I wouldn’t normally do this, but could you please make it sound like I never do it?”