Indian takeaway includes bag of disgusting-looking 'salad' for some reason

AN INDIAN takeaway includes a small plastic bag of hideous-looking chopped vegetables for some unknown reason.

Tom Logan received his food order from Zaffron Takeaway and found that along with the nice food he’d ordered he was also receiving a tiny bag mostly containing long-deceased chopped onion.

Unpacking his delivery, Logan said:“Chicken rogan josh – brilliant. Palak paneer – great.

“A small bag of decaying onion and shrivelled bits of cucumber – weird as fuck. 

“It looks that bad that even the dog wouldn’t eat it, and he eats dog food.

“I’ve no idea why they stick that thing in there. Maybe I owe them money for a garlic naan and it’s some sort of veiled threat, like when that guy in the The Godfather gets a horse’s head in his bed.”

A spokesman for Zaffron Takeaway said: “We considered including a battered old doll’s head as the free random thing but decided it was not weird enough.”



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31-year old unsure if she is a 'millennial' or some other bullshit thing

A WOMAN in her early thirties has no idea if ‘millennial’ is the right bullshit label for her.

Emma Bradford is racked with uncertainty over whether to identify with the term, with her doubts compounded by the suspicion that only millennials worry about being called millennials.

Bradford said: “I think Twitter is a waste of time, but I’m on Instagram. I watch Game of Thrones but not Doctor Who. I eat gluten but not kale.

“When Buzzfeed writes a listicle that they claim only millennials will understand, I usually understand about half of it.

“I live by myself, which is not very millennial, but on the other hand, I’m a self-employed person whose job involves helping evil corporations sell shit, which is millennial as fuck.”

Bradford added: “I read the other week that I’m part of Generation Brexit, but if you call me that I will drop you.

“The horrible truth is that I am probably just fairly normal.”