BRITAIN’S weird, internet bigots are flocking to the government’s
E-Petitions site in a bid to make parliament talk about all the things
In a thrilling evolution of democracy, the site imploded yesterday under the electronic weight of signatures to a petition about things that are not British.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “In theory it’s wonderful and noble and civilised. In practice it’s handing power to confused, angry baboons, many of whom are evil.
“The internet actively encourages people to ‘have their say’, as if this is an innately positive thing.
“But should we give all views equal credibility, even if you are just sitting in a darkened room, naked except for a jumper you found in your garden, randomly bashing a keyboard with your flaccid genitalia?”
He added: “Depending on how you look at it, the internet is either our greatest hope for a more egalitarian world or a billboard for people who dream about murder.
“With a load of stolen music thrown in.”
The most popular E-Petitions so far include ‘Bring Back Beheading’, ‘Bring Back World War II’ and ‘Ban Weird Things’.
Tom Logan, an English teacher from Stevenage, said: “All it does is give people another outlet for their irrational hatred and abuse. We may as well allow people to defecate in each other’s front gardens.
“Like some dirty Spanish pervert.”