Is Britain Using Auto-Moron?

BRITAIN is using state-of-the-art audio visual technology to make itself even more moronic, it was claimed last night.

Experts say ‘auto-moron’ is being deployed in the corner of most British living rooms. It consists of a screen between 20 and 46 inches wide, has two speakers, is connected to an ‘aerial’ or ‘dish’ and is controlled using a ‘doo-da’.

Fears of widespread auto-moron use were raised at the weekend after millions of people across the country gave credibility to a singing contest being judged by Geri Halliwell and Cheryl Cole.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, explained: “The auto-moron beams modulated frequencies at the Large Moronic Frontal Lobe until it reaches a pitch-perfect state of cretinosity.

“The most effective moronification wavelengths are singing contests, dancing contests, celebrity pie-making contests and 24 hour news.”

He added: “The most frustrating thing about auto-moron is that it’s so unnecessary. Because of the Daily Mail.”

Emma Bradford, from Stevenage, said: “Most of the time I’m just an enthusiastic amateur moron who reads Jan Moir, but look what happens when I press a button on the doo-da…

“Good singing. Bad singing. Simon’s in a funny mood tonight. They’re really good at the dancing, I’ll bet they’re having the sex.”

She added: “Nick Clegg seems like a nice man. Did you know that marmalade gives you Alzheimers? And it’s not like the world’s going to run out of Pakistanis.

“Oooooh, what a lovely pie.”