'It may be a cruel activity, but at least I look like a tit while doing it' says fox hunter

A FOX hunter has confirmed that, while his preferred sport may be controversial, at least the clothes make him look a right dildo

Garish fox hunting outfits were designed by a kindly tailor to warn the public there was a band of arseholes approaching.

But hunter Tom Logan, speaking on top of a horse while wearing a little helmet and long leather boots, agreed that he did indeed look like a complete and utter tw*t.

Logan said: “There is no real argument in favour of the sport. It’s literally no fun for anyone involved. On the flipside, at least I look like an animatronic Victorian toy when I’m doing it.

“Look at these faux gold buttons, and these skintight white trousers. F*cking hell.”

He added: “I’ve also got this floppy stick to hit my horse with. Again, it’s spiteful. And, again, it makes me look like I’ve been sown together from unwanted parts.”

 

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BMW owner believes he is only person in the world who doesn't drive like a w*nker

A MAN is completely certain that everyone apart from him drives like a total w*nker, it has emerged.

While driving on the M1 in his BMW, Martin Bishop once again explained that all humans except him are incapable of using the road properly via a stream of foulmouthed shouting.

Bishop’s girlfriend Sarah said: “You know what’s more annoying than other people’s slightly bad driving? Being trapped in a car with someone who thinks he’s Lewis Hamilton.

“He just called a little old lady a ‘dried-up old bitch who should hop in her coffin’ because she wasn’t going fast enough for his liking.      

“If you’ve ever fancied going for a drive with the Incredible Hulk, ask for a lift from Martin. It’s broadly the same experience of never knowing when he’s going to go into rage mode.

“He’s been like this ever since he got the BMW. I’ve been seriously considering jumping out of the window just to get away from him.”

Bishop was unavailable for comment because he was too busy calling a Ford Ka driver a “f*cking useless sh*tting nutsack”, although obviously the other driver could not hear him.