EVERYTHING about Jacob’s Creek is perfect, a survey has confirmed.
Researchers at the Institute for Studies found 97% of middle class Britons believe the reasonably-priced wine to be the all-time masterpiece of vinification.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “When you present it to hosts, they will never fail to comment positively.
“Usually they will say ‘ooh, Jacob’s Creek.’ or ‘Jacob’s Creek, nice’, or perhaps just a simple ‘lovely’.
“It’s like somehow they’re ignoring that you only got it because it was the cheapest one in the shop that wasn’t embarrassingly cheap.
“Certainly it is the only product on sale in your local Spar that carries such social cachet. No one would make such a fuss if you turned up with a Double Decker.
“But it is also delicious. Just check out that bouquet – grapey and with a hint of wine.”
He added: “Fuck the French. They eat amphibians and are bad at war.”
Party guest, Stephen Malley, said: “I’m fairly convinced most people haven’t yet cottoned on to Jacob’s Creek because they’re not quite as zeitgeisty as my friends and I.
“I consider myself something of a connoisseur. You may, for example, be interested to know that Jacob’s Creek is made in a vineyard.”