BRITAIN’S idiots have defended their right to use jargon instead of intelligence.
Stupid people across the country have insisted that unless they use contrived, bullshit expressions they risk losing the respect of friends and co-workers.
Office manager Roy Hobbs said: “I’ve only got a handful of GCSEs and I watch E4, so I use words like ‘strategicalization’.
“I use the classic jargon too, like ‘helicopter vision’ and all the variants that link boxes and thinking. I sound amazing.”
He added: “It’s vital that I continue to use jargon or my co-workers might accuse me of being an irony-free middle-management nobody.”
Job Centre manager Donna Sheridan said: “I use phrases like ‘going forward’, ‘low-hanging fruit’ and ‘identifying synergies’ to boost my self-esteem because my job consists mainly of ordering massive tins of Nescafe for the staff kitchen.
“I’ve even started inventing my own jargon. Today I unilaterally re-energised our organic resources, by which I mean I watered the plants.”