EIGHT-YEAR-OLDS have informed their parents that every class has at least one Jayden but they have never heard of anyone called Paul.
They also confirmed that Sienna, Scarlett and Skye are boringly common but Sarah and Louise are strange, exotic and the kind of thing only people in films are called.
Father Joseph Turner said: “I asked my son if there were any kids called Richard in his school. He laughed and went ‘Dad, you’re making these up.’
“I knew Darren was a fashion, but somehow I believed a name like Lee was timeless. A playground without Lees is unthinkable.
“But no. Apparently Jayden is a perfectly normal name for older kids, and there is no longer a chorus of girls called Joanne in every class. I can’t fathom it. My first three snogs were all girls called Joanne, as was customary at the time.”
Son Arlo said: “I wish dad had given me a name that stands out. When I’m 18 I’m going to change it to something cool, like Steve.”