Joggers have own class system

AMATEUR runners have their own rigid class system, it has emerged.

Joggers admitted operating a strict hierarchical system based on factors including fitness, attractiveness and footwear, with interaction between the groups implicitly forbidden.

Receptionist Nikki Hollis said: “As a ‘competent’, I think lower-class ‘wheezer’ joggers should have separate jogging areas – maybe in disused factories – so they don’t obstruct the pavement with their plodding, slovenly gaits.

“I don’t like these super-fit ‘challenger’ joggers with their poncey 100km races either. We should have a jogging revolution and make the stuck-up bastards wear really cheap trainers.”

Office worker Tom Logan said: “I can do four miles at a reasonable pace without flailing my arms around like a jellyfish, which makes me the jogging equivalent of lower middle-class.

“However it also means I’m superior to lower-class joggers, such as middle-aged housewives going really slowly in their pink tracksuits and people who have to keep stopping and walking for a bit.

“It makes me sad that that I can never be exercise buddies with the athletic blonde woman who keeps overtaking me on my run, but no one ever said jogging was fair.”