CHILDREN demanding Frozen merchandise for Christmas have been referred to the lyrics of the song they never stop singing.
Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “My eldest desperately wants a Snow Glow Queen Elsa doll, but aside from being surprisingly expensive those fuckers are like hen’s teeth.
“I told her to turn her back and slam the door, let it go because she’s getting a bag of satsumas instead. She was visibly upset but I was like, don’t you ever pay attention to the moral message of Disney cartoons?”
Father Roy Hobbs said: “I hate Frozen with every fibre of my being, but not as much as I hate going to soulless out-of-town toy supermarkets that smell of plastic and saliva.
“My daughter wants an Anna doll but she can’t have one because the wind is howling like this swirling storm inside. Heaven knows I tried.”
Eight-year-old Mary Fisher said: “I think the song is about not letting your old desires hold you back. But that does not apply to shiny new dolls.
“Get me them, or it will affect my development so that I become weird and menacing.”