Kids interchangeable

MOST parents would not notice if their kids were swapped for some other kids, it has emerged.

Researchers at the Institute for Studies set out to prove that all children were more or less the same by randomly switching some kids around without telling their parents.

Mum Donna Sheridan said: “My son just sits around playing Minecraft and eating crisps, so it took me two months to realise that I was living with an impostor called ‘Bobby’.

“I presume my son Paul is currently living with Bobby’s parents, or something. But Bobby can stay if he wants, he’s basically the same and it’s less hassle to keep him.”

Father-of-three Tom Logan said: “My daughter likes horses, Harry Styles and fiddling with her friends’ hair, which is the same as the girl now staying in her room.

“At first I was angry when I realised she’d been swapped but I’ve come to realise these children are more or less the same. It’s not as if any of them are secretly wizards, like in their idiotic books.”

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US election drags on with Super Caucus Wednesday Tedious Bullshit Thing

AMERICA’S elections have entered their umpteenth day of tedious self-indulgence with some more pointless bullshit.

Today is Super Caucus Wednesday Bullshit Thing, yet another apparently vital stage in the incredibly long, complicated and weirdly sluggish race to the White House.

This new pointless mini-election will see the heavy, hat-wearing residents of some fictional-sounding US region go and vote for either Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump or The Other Ones, which will then apparently have absolutely no effect on anything.

US political commentator Norman Steele said: “There’s everything still to play for, mainly because nothing has really happened despite this nonsense dragging on for months.

“Donald Trump is a mental, horrible jowly bastard and Hillary Clinton looks a bit stern, although you can’t blame her because her husband’s such a rascal. There’s another one called Ted who possibly used to play the character Des Clarke in Neighbours.

“That’s all I know and it’s all anyone knows, to be honest.”