BOORISH lads and militant feminists have joined forces to make sexism at university a far bigger issue than it actually is.
The two-pronged strategy combines pathetic, juvenile sexism and redefining sexual harassment until it loses all meaning.
Geography student Tom Logan said: “I’ll be referring to women as ‘sluts’ or ‘bitches’, just like the people who punched me in the face at school four months ago.
“I don’t mind if women hate me. As long as they don’t realise I’m still a virgin.”
Student feminist Nikki Hollis said: “Sexual harassment has become an epidemic on UK campuses ever since I started reading the Guardian.
“But incredibly, despite all our awareness raising, people are still interacting without my express permission.”
Students of both sexes confirmed that Saturday’s Booty Slut All-Night Jagerbomb Party was just another shit indie disco.