A MAN has so many unsightly tattoos that the best option is to colour all of him in with blue-grey ink, a tattoo artist has decided.
Tattooist Wayne Hayes has ruled out the possibility of improving Tom Logan’s tattoos with high quality additional artwork because they are so numerous and all equally terrible.
Hayes said: “Laser removal of this much bad art would be unbearably painful, and there’s no way I can salvage something as naff as a skeleton in a top hat riding a flaming motorcycle.
“The best option is to colour Tom in until he’s a uniform shade of dark grey. It will look odd but will be a vast improvement on his random jumble of Celtic things, barbed wire and wonky cartoon characters.
“When he’s finished he might look quite dignified in a strange way, like a statue. He won’t have to wash as often either.”
Logan said: “I’ve been planning to do something about my tattoos ever since I looked in the mirror one day and thought, ‘Why am I covered in crap drawings?’”