Let’s write off this generation of kids and focus on the next lot, says Williamson

THE education secretary has confirmed that we are failing a generation of children, so we may as well forget them and put our efforts into the next set. 

Gavin Williamson agreed that children missing nearly a year of education and examinations have had their futures taken away from them, but that there is no point throwing good money after bad.

He continued: “Fair play, holding my hands up, we’ve made mistakes. Can’t go back and change that now, so let’s write these off and start again.

“The nation will always need minimum-wage earners without qualifications. And now we’ve got a solid foundation of those in the pipeline, the next generation can be artists or ballet dancers or whatever.

“If you’ve got a child aged between nine and 18, then you have my full apologies. But you’ll save on tuition fees so it’s not all bad, and it’ll be nice to have someone who can unblock a sink in the family.”

Mum Emma Bradford said: “I had high hopes for my children before the pandemic but Gavin’s right, it’s too late to fix the damage of a year of eight-hour PlayStation days now.

“And because they’re written off I can claim 12 years of childcare back against tax, so financially it’s a real windfall.”

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A Brexiter's simple guide to EU charges

PARCELS sent to or from the EU now carry extra charges, a detail left out of the Brexit deal. Leave voter Norman Steele explains these vindictive costs: 

The EU wants you to suffer

That coat you bought online, that you’re getting charged £82 delivery for. Nothing to do with customs duties and us being a ‘third country’ like Remainers claim. The EU’s strategists have realised it’s cold here and are trying to cut off our coat supply so we can’t go out.

They’ve massively in debt

Wondering why they need to get money off us right now? It’s because the EU is facing total financial collapse. Read a pro-Brexit Facebook page and don’t be fooled by lies. Every time they confiscate a jar of Bovril from a trucker, they cash it in.

They envy our swanky debit cards

They’re putting Mastercard charges up out of spite because we’ve got electronic money, whereas in primitive EU countries they pay for things with filthy Euro notes or a crude barter system based on olive oil, so I’m told. It’s jealousy. Pathetic.

They’re trying to starve us out

Don’t believe the EU when they claim 16 forms per lobster is making food more expensive. They’re just up to their old WW2 tricks but with lorries instead of U-boats. If Golden Delicious start costing £50, don’t buy them and have a tasty British crab apple instead.

They fear Britain’s superior lifestyle

There’s an obvious reason why roaming charges are back – they don’t want Brits to call their citizens and tell them how much better life is here. The Brussels dictators don’t want French peasants discovering we don’t have to eat scum we’ve skimmed off ponds.

The EU is basically the mafia

The EU is always looking for new scams, like courier firms charging by the hour for three days stuck in British ports. Don’t give in to them, or Michel Barnier and his thugs will be round your house ordering you to eat a clove of garlic there and then or they burn it down.