LAST year saw a record increase in the number of obvious lies about embarrassing surgery scars.
Britain’s cosmetic surgery industry said it had cut open 39% more customers who then came out with some bullshit excuse for why they look like a fish.
Liz Wade, 33, from Stevenage said: “I’m happy with the way I am especially as all this cold weather has made by boobs bigger and firmer.
“And I got this long red mark behind my ear when a gang of sparrows stole the potato peeler out of my hand and then attacked me with it.”
She insisted: “All my family start to get younger when they hit their mid 30s. We’re like Benjamin Button except we have a lot of freak accidents resulting in tiny scars.”
The results also show men are 20% more likely to lie about going under the knife than women. Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Men have been secretly experimenting with all kinds of excuses for everything from nose jobs to face lifts in a secret bid to alleviate their awfulness.
“Actually, I recently discovered that keeping my two wallets in my top pockets made me look like I had moobs.”
He added: “I now keep my wallet in my trouser pocket and yes it is shaped like a surgically-enhanced, flaccid 10-inch penis.”