INCREASED life expectancy has forced several key sayings about man’s lot to be revised.
Thomas Hobbes’s famous quote that “the life of man is solitary, poor, brutish, nasty and short” has been revised to replace “short” with “interminably long” and “solitary” with “packed with bastards”.
Philosopher Donna Sheridan said: “The marvellous news that we’ll all be getting extra years in the nursing home has made our aphorisms inaccurate.
“Life is now, at the very least, several bitches and then you die with the number of bitches possibly reaching double figures.
“Or if life is a bowl of cherries, then it’s a massive bowl and the cherries at the bottom are mushy and inedible.”
82-year-old Eleanor Shaw said: “That one about the box of chocolates from Jurassic Park is still right, in that all the good chocolates go early on and the rest are only eaten out of obligation.
“The best things in life aren’t free, though. They’re male escorts.”