London flat invisible to the naked eye

A FLAT in London is affordable due to being visible only with a microscope, it has emerged.

Property developer Martin Bishop says the small size of the studio flat is unlikely to deter tenants with access to a shrinking ray, due to the bargain rent of just £585 per month.

Bishop said: “Using nanotechnology the property has been fitted with all mod cons including a power shower and dishwasher, although you do have to fold the bed away if you want to use the lounge area.

“The flat would suit a single young professional who doesn’t spend a lot of time at home. The local restaurants are excellent so you’ll probably be eating out anyway.

“The flat does have one drawback and that’s not having a parking space, but if you don’t own a car there’s no problem.”

Trainee accountant Tom Logan said: “I just viewed it with an 80x microscope and if you want a no-frills place to eat and sleep it’s the logical solution to sky-high rents. I’ve pretty much convinced myself that it’s my dream home.

“I looked at a maisonette the size of a proton yesterday but it didn’t have the ‘wow’ factor.”

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I’m not f**king driving that, says Samantha Cameron

THE prime minister’s wife responded to his gift of a used Nissan Micra by going mental at him, it has emerged.

After hinting to his wife that he was going to get her a special present, David Cameron spent £1,500 on the used hatchback from a local garage.

Samantha Cameron said: “I don’t even know what that is, it looks like a handbag on fucking wheels. I’m not fucking driving that.”

After a short pause, the prime minister replied: “It’s a Nissan Micra 1.2. It goes very well, I think it’s kind of funky.

“You said you wanted a little runaround, take the kids from A to B type thing. Nothing flashy, you told me.”

His wife began crying. She said: “Yeah but I thought you’d at least get me a 2012 Land Rover Discovery with the heated seats.

“I bet even Corbyn’s wife, assuming he’s got one, has a Discovery or a Jeep Cherokee.

“You get to drive around in a Jag with rocket launchers and I get a shittan shitbox. I’m a woman of breeding and status, David, you’ve seen how tall and intimidating my family is.

“I should have married George Osborne, his bloodline is good and he doesn’t go round buying shit off Gumtree.”