Lego preparing for all-out war with Playmobil

LEGO characters are arming themselves in preparation for wiping all Playmobil figures from the face of the earth.

Lego and Playmobil characters first clashed in 1998 when a six-year-old boy tried introducing figures from the Playmobil Dragon Land range to a Ninjago castle, and have remained bitter enemies ever since.

The Lego range has become increasingly militant in recent years, introducing weapon-wielding new characters including Batman, Napoleon and Freddy Krueger.

Lego ninja Tom Booker said: “With the addition of new psychopathic characters, the Lego universe finally has the might to eradicate the weak, ineffectual Playmobil scum.

“We must act now before they finish building the rumoured Playmobil ballistic nuclear weapons system, which you can apparently already pre-order from Toys ‘R’ Us.

“We will scalp them all by pulling off their strange indie-kid hair.”

Booker added: “Although not a brick-based building system, we believe Playmobil people are derivative of us and thus do not recognise their right to exist.

“We will kill them all and then we’ll move onto Sylvanian Families, which are clearly terrifying, especially the rabbit ones.”

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Man and woman trying to work out if this is a date

TWO single people having lunch together are unsure if they are on some sort of date.

Roy Hobbs, 32, asked work colleague Mary Fisher, 30, to join him at a mid-priced restaurant in order to ‘run a few ideas about the department past her’.

Hobbs said: “I find Mary very attractive and only invented the work stuff as a pretext so I could ask her out. But now I am compelled to talk about it, which makes it feel like I haven’t really asked her out at all. Which I have. Or have I?’

Fisher said: “I have always fancied Roy and assumed when said he needed to talk about a work, he was using that as an excuse to be alone with me.

“I felt I had to ask him about it to play along but now he has gone on about possible departmental restructuring right through the starters.”

At one point the couples’ hands touched, but since it was while Hobbs was making a point about paperless technology neither was sure if it counted for anything.

Fisher said: “We talked about our mutual love of Phuket, though maybe that was just because Roy had run out of things to say about the benefits of e-billing.”

Hobbs said: “At least she still has absolutely no idea how much I want to get off with her, which is the most important thing.”