LONDON now offers a worse quality of life than some place in Australia for God’s sake, it emerged last night.
In the latest indictment of the capital, an international survey found that Sydney was a better place to live even though it is full of Australians.
Experts stressed that if London is now worse than an Australian place then they may as well just go ahead and rank it below Mogadishu or one of those Colombian gangster hell holes.
Martin Bishop, surveys analyst at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: “Mogadishu is currently full of pirates and bomb craters, but at least most of the people who live there are Somalian.
“And while London is currently full of pirates and bomb craters, at least most of the people who clean its hotel toilets are Somalian.”
He added: “But to be ranked below an Australian place means that either the survey organisers were bribed or we should be setting fire to everything in Britain and jumping into a boat.”
After being told the city was worse than Australians London mayor Boris Johnson got up from hs desk at the assembly headquarters and thanked his secretary before walking to the lift and pressing the button for the top floor.
He then made his way to the roof and was about to climb onto the railing when he was grabbed by his shirt tails and bundled to the ground.
As he was strapped to a trolley and wheeled into an ambulance he shouted: “Australians! Australians! Let me die! If there is a God in heaven, let me die!”
Tom Logan, a trainee architect from Finsbury Park, said: “While this result is truly horrifying, I’m just wondering whether it’s maybe connected to all the rudeness and the urine.”