A CREDULOUS loser of a student has signed up to all the societies at his university’s Freshers’ Fair.
First-year sociology undergraduate Jack Brown has joined the Drama Society, the Climbing Society, the Pagan Society, the Pokémon Society, the Album Listening Society, and Fencing Club.
He said: “They all had their own stall and I worked my way round them in a methodical fashion to make sure that I didn’t miss any. It’s all part of the Freshers’ Week excitement.
“I had no interest in rowing but they were very persuasive, the Christians were such lovely people, and those hippies tell me hemp is amazingly versatile. I’m sure I’ll make lots of new friends by participating in randomly chosen activities.
“Once I’d finished I sipped a non-alcoholic beer in the Student Union by myself, then got into bed by half-eight so I would be refreshed and ready for orientation tomorrow afternoon.”
Surf Society head Oli O’Connor said: “We thank Mr Browne for his signing-on fees and monthly direct debit, which we promise to spend on doing all the good stuff our societies are dedicated to and not inviting him.
“He has cemented his status as the least cool student on campus and we have circulated his name to all pubs, bars and nightclubs so they know never to let him in.”