Lottery decided completely at random, complains angry Britain

UNSUCCESSFUL Lotto players have complained about the arbitrary way the numbers are drawn.

The National Lottery jackpot has once again rolled over after millions of Britons found it unexpectedly difficult to predict the result.

Tom Logan of Stevenage, said: “This so-called lottery seems to be drawn entirely at random.

“I still can’t see anything wrong with the numbers I chose – 6, 16, 25, 28, 35, 39 and 49  – but they drew some ridiculous numbers. 30, 40, 50? What self respecting Lotto player would pick those?”

He added: “I know this sounds crazy but I’m starting to think I might not win £50 million.”

Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Winning the lottery is really hard. The odds of winning are one in 45 million if you bought one ticket, which is fractionally more likely than if you bought no ticket at all.”

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Cameron pencils in day next week to visit whatever new disaster he's caused

DAVID Cameron has penciled in next Wednesday to visit an as-yet-unknown community which has been devastated because of spending cuts.

Following forecasts of Arctic weather, the prime minister has put his inexpensive rubber boots by the door and notified the RAF to have a helicopter on standby for when the inevitable happens.

He said: “My concerned face has never been more resolute but compassionate.

“And I’m now so adept at dismissing claims that it’s all thanks to massive, politically-motivated government cuts that I could do it in my sleep.”

He added: “Last week, I found myself insisting that the flooding and freezing which completely destroyed Glasgow were unrelated to cuts, before I realised it hadn’t actually happened yet.

“Still, it’s good to be ahead of the curve.”