Mail demands foreign aid to be spent on replacing British carpets
THE Daily Mail has called on the government to stop sending money to poor foreigners when it could be used to replace carpets right here in Britain.
The newspaper has launched a petition which has actually been signed by people.
In a hard-hitting editorial the paper said that British carpets must always come first and that most foreign aid was used to build Chinese spaceships.
Meanwhile, the Mail underlined the horrifying extent of Britain’s humanitarian crisis by illustrating its story with a photo of a moist BMW.
Martin Bishop, from Somerset, said: Ive only had this carpet six months and now it’s all soggy. Im really unhappy, but the government wont even buy me a new telly.
His wife Sarah added: How many BMWs have to get wet before the government stops trying to impress stupid African babies?
Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: People who dont have flood insurance either didnt ask for it, which is mentally defective, or were denied it, which should have caused the first faint stirrings of something being amiss.
If we are going to use some foreign aid money, perhaps we could make a film about how not to buy a house on flood plain.
Itll be called How Not to Buy a House on a Flood Plain, it will be 10 seconds long and consist of me holding up a piece of cardboard on which I will have written dont buy a house on a flood plain.
He added: Meanwhile, you can still do your bit for Britain. If you meet someone today who has signed the Mails petition, try your very best to urinate on their legs.