Man able to crowbar his salary into any conversation

46-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan can turn any conversation around to how much he earns.

Logan, who earns £60,000 doing something with computers, demonstrated his remarkable gift during a recent dinner party.

As the other guests were discussing cheese, Logan chipped in: “This cheddar is fruity and rich. I suppose I’m relatively rich too. I mean £60K plus excellent benefits isn’t a fortune but it’s a fair old whack.”

Logan’s friend Stephen Malley said: “I mentioned fixing a bracket on the wall for my television. He paused for a moment, then replied, ‘In terms of brackets, I’m in the top 5% of UK earners’.”

Malley added: “I genuinely hope he gets made redundant.”

However Logan denied being obsessed with cash: “I don’t do my job for the money, I do it because I find it interesting. But if they pay me well, like somewhere in the region of £60,509 per annum, I’m not going to complain.”

He added that it was his 46th birthday next week: “Which is funny really, because 46 plus 14 is 60, which is how much I earn every year in thousands of pounds.

“That equals a healthy disposable income.”

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Your dad angrily refuses to watch Stephen Fry documentary

YOUR dad has responded with disgruntlement to Stephen Fry’s TV series about global attitudes to homosexuality.

Dad consulted the Radio Times during the opening credits of Out There and immediately demanded a change of channel.

He said: “I’m not bloody watching that.”

Dad then began searching for the remote control in an exaggeratedly cross manner.

Your dad stressed that he had nothing against gays, in fact there’s one at his work who’s very pleasant, he just didn’t want them rammed down his throat.

However after other family members had left the room he watched the last fifteen minutes of the programme, without further comment.