Man aiming for personal best in half-arsed, leave-it-to-the-last-minute speed-wrapping

A MAN is aiming for a new record by wrapping all his presents in under six minutes, less than half an hour before they are due to be opened.

Tom Booker is confident he can smash last year’s speed-wrapping record, even if the results look like someone gave Sellotape and shiny paper to the possessed girl in The Exorcist.

He said: “Sometimes I don’t even bother cutting the paper – last year I used an entire sheet on one small bag of chocolate coins. 

“It doesn’t pay to get hung up on attention to detail. My motto is ‘Just wank it out’.”

He added: “My girlfriend only rips off the paper anyway, like a demented badger driven to a frenzy by the prospect of a giant Toblerone.”