Sellotape and scissors disappear on sexually-charged crime spree

THE Sellotape and scissors cannot be found because they have disappeared on a doomed, crime-packed road trip, it has emerged.

The lovestruck outlaw household items have embarked on a passionate ‘looting and shooting’ spree, leaving a trail of corpses and unwrapped presents behind them.

Emotionally damaged bad boy Sellotape and hot curvaceous scissors met in a kitchen drawer, beginning a tempestuous relationship based on thrill-seeking and weird sex acts.

A police spokesman said: “We became aware of their rampage when Sellotape crashed a stolen car into a TK Maxx before staging an impromptu bank job where the scissors threatened to stab anyone who moved a muscle.

“Truly this generation of stationary is out of control. On the other hand, you can’t help admiring their sheer wanton passion for life. If only it were channelled into making presents look presentable.”

Pair of scissors Nikki Hollis said: “We are the yin and the yang, I cut stuff and he sticks it back together but in a slightly demented way. It’s deep.”