Man attempting to get massive bike on train

A MAN is attempting to get a large, high-tech bicycle on a small, crowded train.

Graphic designer Martin Bishop regularly takes his monstrous bike on cramped regional rail services, despite it being designed for riding through mountains and forests.

Bishop said: “Normally there’s plenty of room for my bike, by which I mean I can bump into people with it and block the doors. But today it’s really packed. I managed to briefly force the front wheel inside a carriage but I had to give up because people complained the handlebars were crushing their abdomens.

“The guard told me to wait on the platform while he checked if there was any free space, but I think that might be a ruse so the train can sneak off without me.”

Bishop said his £1,500 ‘Zircon Ruggedeer’ bike had a near-indestructible alloy frame and 96 gears for getting up mountains, although he mostly used it for going to work.

He added: “I suppose I could ride home, but it’s almost five miles. I’ll just have to ram the bike in backwards between those two blokes. Sorry guys.”

Commuter Donna Sheridan said: “Everyone knows that if you want to take a bike on a train it has to be one of those fold-up ones designed to take away your last shred of dignity.”

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Award-winning nature photograph shows humans having a fight

A STRIKING image of two humans fighting in a nightclub has won a major nature photography award.

Tom Logan won the Natural History Museum’s Wildlife Photographer of the Year prize for the image entitled Man Sparking Out Other Man in Club Deluxe, Chelmsford.

He said: “It was just one of those magical once-in-a-lifetime moments.

“I was just taking some general shots of provincial nightclub fauna when I noticed a kerfuffle near the VIP champagne bar.

“Two large males were arguing over a female. Suddenly, out of nowhere, one of them unleashed a blow.

“From the photo you can see the raw power as fist connects with chin. It was all over in a flash, the bouncers stepped in and bundled them off into the night.

“I just felt humbled to be there, and to witness the noble savagery of nature.”

24-year-old Emma Bradford said: “It’s an amazing image that really stimulates the imagination. You start to wonder how much booze they’d had, who started it and whether it carried on outside.

“The one on the left looks a bit like Bradley Cooper but I don’t think it is.”