Man beats capitalism by adding smoothie to Boots Meal Deal

A MAN has taken down capitalism by adding an expensive smoothie to his Boots Meal Deal, it has been confirmed.

Tom Logan single-handedly collapsed the capitalist economic system when he noticed a £2.30 Innocent Super Smoothie was inexplicably part of the shop’s otherwise underwhelming lunch offer.

Logan said: “I grabbed my usual chicken triple and Walkers max flavour crisps, but when I saw the Innocent Smoothies there in the deal section, I thought it must be a set up.

“Why on earth would the store include such a costly luxury item as part of the standard office pleb lunch offer? Clearly there had been a labelling error – so I swooped like an eagle.

“One moment I was at the till purchasing my winning combination, the next thing I knew Wall Street had crashed and Jeremy Corbyn had added me on LinkedIn.

“Now I’m giving talks to dickhead 18 year old history undergraduates who think I’m the new Marx.

“I’d always thought of myself as a bit of a champagne socialist, I never guessed it would descend into smoothie communism.”

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Couple having public argument selfishly refuse to provide context

A COUPLE having a loud and furious argument in public have frustratingly refused to give eavesdroppers the proper background. 

Bystanders in Costa Coffee have complained that references including ‘Yeah? Like you bloody did in Dublin?’ and ‘Why don’t you call Liz and tell her all about it?’ are lost because they do not know the backstory.

Susan Traherne said: “Without knowing if this ‘she’ he paid ‘too much for’ is a prostitute or a pet labrador, it’s difficult to get emotionally involved.

“It’s fine to start in the middle to intrigue the audience, but then they refuse to fill in the blanks. ‘Just like your fucking mother’ carries no sting when we don’t know what the mother is like.”

Fellow bystander Stephen Malley agreed: “I’m not a fan of clunky exposition, but I feel they could have found a way to weave it in, instead of saying ‘it’s the worst thing you could have ever done to me’ and refusing to elaborate.

“I mean, some of it was made up in the performance. She was spectacular. I really believed her when she said she wasn’t sorry she keyed his Audi.

“As for the origin of the drama? I guess we’ll never know. And that’s the real tragedy.”