A MANAGER feels his office is the ideal environment to make up for being bullied and a failure at school, he has confirmed.
46-year-old Martin Bishop uses his position at a Leek finance business to get the respect he never received as a weak, spotty, untalented child.
Bishop said: “I wasn’t good at sport or one of the brainy kids, but I’ve been here since I was 18 and I’ve got seniority over everyone who was, making this the ideal environment for me to work out my issues.
“Mark in procurement is exactly the kind of lad who never picked me for football. Now I’ve gatecrashed his five-a-side team and I’m mates with his mates and it feels great.
“Whenever Pete who went to Oxford comes in with one of his big ideas about saving money, we sit and chat until he’s realised he’s not so much cleverer than me after all, then we present it to management together and share credit.
“And all the girls have to talk to me here, because I’m the boss. So stick that up your arse, Rachel Wilkes who wouldn’t go out with me in 1996. I bet you’re a big fat cow now.”